Disability affects relationships—romantic, family, friendships, and caregiving. Disabled people navigate dating, sexuality, parenting, caregiving dynamics, and safety all while managing disability. This section provides guidance on building healthy relationships, navigating sexuality and reproduction, protecting yourself from abuse, and caregiving.
Disabled people are stereotyped as:
- Asexual or hyperactive sexually
- Incapable of parenting
- Burdens on partners and families
- Needing help without agency
These stereotypes are false and harmful. Disabled people can and do have satisfying romantic relationships, healthy sexuality, and meaningful family connections. We can parent, though we may need support. We can care for others.
This section centers disabled people's right to:
- Love and be loved
- Sexual expression and consent
- Decision-making about reproduction
- Parenting that works for us
- Safety from abuse
- Autonomy in caregiving relationships
Navigating dating and relationships with disability. Covers disclosure decisions, finding partners, communication, accessibility needs in relationships, sex and intimacy, and recognizing relationship red flags.
Sexual expression and reproduction. Covers accessible sexuality, birth control options, prenatal care, abortion access, fertility support, and reproductive autonomy.
Disabled people can parent. Covers accessible parenting strategies, managing disability while parenting, advocacy against assumptions, finding support, and parenting through flares.
Resources for parents/guardians of disabled children. Covers supports available, managing your own needs, schools and services, sibling relationships, and self-care for caregiving parents.
Dynamics of formal and family caregiving. Covers finding caregivers, managing caregiver relationships, respecting disabled person's autonomy, recognizing abuse, and supporting disabled person receiving care.
Disability and abuse. Covers why disabled people are at higher risk, recognizing abuse patterns, leaving safely, reporting safely, trauma support, and consent.
Dating & Relationships →
Sexuality & Reproductive Health →
Sexuality & Reproductive Health → and Parenting →
Parenting with a Disability → or Parents of Disabled Children →
Caregiving →
Abuse, Safety & Consent → or Crisis Support →
Dating is complicated. Add disability and it becomes more complex:
Disclosure decision:
- When to tell a potential partner about disability
- What to share
- How to share
- Risk of rejection vs. authenticity
There's no perfect answer. Options include:
- Disclose upfront (weeds out people who won't accept disability)
- Disclose early (after initial chemistry, before investing)
- Disclose when relevant (introduce gradually)
- Don't disclose (privacy is yours to control)
What to look for in partners:
- Respects disability without needing to "fix" you
- Willing to learn about your disability and needs
- Can communicate about accessibility and modifications
- Doesn't see caretaking as romantic love
- Values your autonomy and decision-making
- Handles your needs without resentment
Red flags:
- "I'm attracted to people despite their disabilities"
- "I love you so much I'll take care of you"
- Wanting to be your "savior"
- Not taking your needs seriously
- Wanting to control your healthcare/medications
- Isolation from other support
¶ Sexuality and Disabled People
Myth: Disabled people aren't sexual or don't deserve sex
Reality: Disabled people have diverse sexuality. We deserve pleasure, sexual expression, and autonomy.
Accessible sexuality:
- Positions that work with your body
- Timing that works with energy/pain levels
- Communication about needs and boundaries
- Adaptive equipment if needed
- Medication timing (taking meds before intimacy)
- Understanding what's possible for your body
- Pleasure beyond penetration
Contraception options:
- Different methods have different disability considerations
- IUDs good for people unable to remember daily meds
- Hormonal contraception may interact with other medications
- Physical barriers (condoms, diaphragms) require mobility/dexterity
- Sterilization shouldn't be pushed, shouldn't be denied
- Talk with disability-aware provider
Navigating sexuality with disability:
- Your sexuality is valid
- You have right to sexual expression
- You have right to medical care that supports sexuality
- Autonomy includes sexual autonomy
- Intimacy looks different for different people
Reproductive justice = your right to:
- Have children
- Not have children
- Parent children in the circumstances you choose
- Have children free from coercion or surveillance
- Have children with dignity
Disabled people and reproduction:
- History of eugenics (forced sterilization)
- Ongoing pressure against disabled reproduction
- Assumption you shouldn't parent
- Guardianship stripping reproductive autonomy
- Medical bias against disabled pregnancy
Your reproductive rights:
- You can have children if you choose
- You can refuse reproduction if you choose
- You can access abortion
- You can access prenatal care
- You can parent with support
- You deserve reproductive healthcare
Disabled people can parent. Parenting looks different for different disabilities:
Strategies for different disabilities:
- Mobility disability: Accessible home, adaptive equipment, help with physical tasks
- Chronic illness: Pacing activities, help during flares, flexibility
- Deaf/deaf-blind parenting: Visual/tactile communication with children, community support
- Psychiatric disability: Stability in routine, crisis support, reduced stress
- Cognitive disability: Clear routines, visual schedules, support with planning
Barriers to overcome:
- Assumptions you can't parent
- Fear of child protective services
- Limited parenting resources for disabled people
- Inaccessible childcare
- Lack of support for disabled parents
- Medication/medical needs
Building support:
- Childcare (paid, family, community)
- Partner or co-parent support
- Community resources
- Disability-informed parenting
- Self-care that works for your disability
Parenting a disabled child is different from disability itself. Resources include:
- Information about your child's disability/condition
- Educational advocacy (IEPs, 504s)
- Healthcare navigation
- Financial benefits for families
- Support groups
- Self-care for parents
- Sibling support
Important: Your child's disability is not your trauma to heal. Your child's needs are real. Self-care for parents is valid and necessary.
Caregiving can be:
- Paid work (personal care attendant, home health aide)
- Family work (partner, parent, adult child)
- Informal support (friend, community member)
- Combination
Healthy caregiving:
- Respects disabled person's autonomy
- Clear communication about tasks and boundaries
- Fair compensation (for paid caregivers)
- Recognition of caregiver's needs while centering disabled person's
- Understanding that disabled person is expert on their own needs
- Flexibility and problem-solving
Recognizing unhealthy caregiving:
- Caregiver controlling decisions
- Medication/food/bathroom control
- Isolation from others
- Emotional manipulation ("I do so much for you")
- Financial exploitation
- Neglect or abuse
- Viewing disabled person as burden
When caregiving becomes dangerous:
- If you're being harmed, reach out for help
- If you're unable to provide safe care, admit it
- If caregiver is abusive, there are ways to get help
- Your dignity is not negotiable
¶ Abuse and Disability
Disabled people experience higher rates of abuse:
- 40% of disabled women experience sexual violence
- Abuse by caregivers is common
- Guardianship removes protections
- Institutionalization enables abuse
- Isolation increases vulnerability
Why disabled people are targeted:
- Limited support systems
- Guardianship removes legal protections
- Dependency on caregivers
- Communication barriers make reporting hard
- Assumption nobody will believe them
- Less likely to be believed by authorities
Signs of abuse:
- Unexplained injuries
- Sexual trauma or behavior
- Emotional withdrawal
- Fear of specific person
- Not being allowed contact with others
- Unexplained changes in behavior
- Medication changes without explanation
- Financial problems despite having money
Getting help safely:
- Tell someone you trust (friend, counselor, advocate)
- Domestic violence organizations (trained in disability)
- Police (request disability-aware officer if possible)
- Disability rights organization
- Call hotline for confidential help
- Develop safety plan
- Know that leaving is hard and brave
Crisis resources →
¶ Consent and Disability
Consent means:
- Informed choice without pressure
- Able to say no
- Able to ask questions
- Able to change your mind
- No one making decisions "for your own good"
Consent challenges with disability:
- Guardian may assume medical decision-making authority
- Medication effects on decision-making capacity
- Communication disabilities making consent harder to communicate
- Coercion from family/caregivers
Your right to consent:
- You have right to say no to medical treatment
- You have right to sexual consent/non-consent
- You have right to make decisions about your body
- If someone insists on deciding for you against your will, that's abuse
¶ Family Dynamics and Disability
Family relationships with disability vary:
- Some families are deeply supportive
- Some families enable abuse
- Some families are disconnected
- Some family relationships are complicated/mixed
Healthy family relationships:
- Respect for autonomy
- Support without control
- Belief in your capacity
- Learning about your disability
- Not defining you by disability
- Boundaries respected
- Financial and caregiving equity
When family relationships are harmful:
- Setting boundaries is healthy
- You don't owe family loyalty if they harm you
- Found family is valid
- Professional support can help
¶ LGBTQ+ Relationships and Disability
LGBTQ+ disabled people navigate:
- Double discrimination
- Invisibility in both communities
- Unique relationship dynamics
- Chosen family often more important than biological family
- Trans issues with healthcare access
LGBTQ+ disability organizing is vibrant and powerful. You belong.
Have you navigated disability and relationships? Know about resources that should be highlighted? Have lived experience?
We welcome contributions from disabled people in various relationship configurations, especially from multiply-marginalized communities.
Contribute →
Last updated: [Date]
Maintained by: DisabilityWiki Relationships & Safety Team
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