This page provides guidance for parents raising disabled children, centering the well-being of disabled children and grounding advice in what disabled adults say helped—or harmed—them as children.
The best guidance for raising disabled children comes from disabled adults who can reflect on their childhoods. Throughout this page, we prioritize what disabled people say helps children thrive.
Key principles:
- Your child is not broken and doesn't need fixing
- Disability is part of your child's identity, not a tragedy
- Your child's autonomy and preferences matter
- Connection with disabled community benefits your child
- Your child's communication—in whatever form—is valid
If you're a disabled parent of a disabled child, you bring lived experience that can help your child. You may also face particular challenges navigating systems while managing your own disability. See Parenting with a Disability for additional resources.
Receiving a diagnosis can be overwhelming. However you feel is valid—and your feelings don't determine your ability to be a good parent.
What helps:
Information:
- Seek information from disabled adults with your child's disability
- Balance medical information with lived experience perspectives
- Be skeptical of worst-case predictions
- Remember that your child's life will be their own
Support:
- Connect with other parents—but prioritize those who accept their children
- Find support that doesn't require grieving a "normal" child
- Seek out disabled adults who can offer perspective
- Take care of your own wellbeing
Perspective:
- Your child is the same child they were before diagnosis
- Disability is one part of their identity
- Many disabled adults live full, meaningful lives
- Your child will define what a good life means to them
What to avoid:
Grief narratives:
Disability organizations and some parent groups encourage parents to "grieve the child you expected." Many disabled adults find this harmful—it treats disability as tragedy and may shape how you see your child.
Cure-focused obsession:
If you spend your child's childhood searching for cures instead of accepting and supporting them, your child notices. Acceptance doesn't mean not pursuing helpful treatments, but it means your child's value isn't contingent on being "fixed."
Early intervention services (birth to age 3) can be helpful but should support your child's development, not try to make them "normal."
Questions to ask about any intervention:
- Does this respect my child's autonomy?
- Is there evidence this helps children like mine?
- What do disabled adults who had this intervention say about it?
- Does this prioritize my child's well-being or outside observers' comfort?
- Is the time commitment sustainable for our family?
Red flags:
- Programs that promise to make your child "indistinguishable from peers"
- Interventions that prioritize compliance over communication
- Therapies that ignore your child's distress
- Hours of daily therapy that leave no time for childhood
All children communicate. Your job is to understand your child's communication and provide tools for them to expand it.
If your child is nonspeaking or has limited speech:
Augmentative and Alternative Communication (AAC):
- AAC is not giving up on speech—it supports all communication
- Children who use AAC often develop more speech, not less
- Start AAC early—there's no prerequisite to communication
- Presume competence—assume your child has things to say
Respect all communication:
- Behavior is communication
- Sounds, gestures, and movements are communication
- Don't dismiss communication because it's not speech
If your child communicates differently:
- Learn their communication style
- Don't demand eye contact or neurotypical social performance
- Teach others to respect their communication
- Support them in self-advocacy
You have the right to appropriate education for your child. What's appropriate depends on your child, not assumptions about disability.
Key principles:
- Inclusive education benefits most disabled children
- Segregation should require justification, not inclusion
- Your child's input matters (even young children can express preferences)
- Education should build on strengths, not just address deficits
Navigating special education:
- Learn your rights under IDEA, Section 504, or your country's laws
- Document everything in writing
- Bring support to IEP meetings
- You can disagree with school recommendations
- Your child should participate in planning as they're able
See K-12 Education and IDEA for detailed guidance.
¶ Independence and Autonomy
Building independence means supporting your child's autonomy, not forcing "normal" developmental timelines.
What helps:
- Let your child make age-appropriate choices
- Build on their interests and strengths
- Teach self-advocacy from early ages
- Expect growth, but accept their pace
- Support, don't push
Avoiding learned helplessness:
Children learn helplessness when decisions are constantly made for them. Even when your child needs support:
- Offer choices
- Explain what's happening
- Involve them in decisions about their life
- Don't do things for them they can do themselves (even if it's slower)
¶ Identity and Self-Esteem
Disability identity:
Your child's disability is part of who they are. Helping them develop positive disability identity includes:
- Speaking positively about disability
- Connecting them with disabled role models
- Exposing them to disability culture and history
- Not apologizing for or hiding their disability
- Celebrating what makes them unique
What disabled adults say helped them:
- Parents who accepted them as they were
- Connection with disabled peers and adults
- Learning disability history and culture
- Being allowed to take pride in their identity
- Parents who advocated without centering themselves
What disabled adults say harmed them:
- Parents who constantly sought cures
- Isolation from disabled community
- Messages that they needed to be "fixed"
- Being made to feel like a burden
- Having their disability treated as unspeakable tragedy
Your child has the right to respectful, appropriate healthcare.
As their advocate:
- Find providers who treat your child as a person
- Your child's input should be included
- Informed consent applies to children too (age-appropriately)
- You can question recommendations and seek second opinions
- Medical treatment should improve your child's life by their standards
Avoiding medical trauma:
Many disabled adults carry trauma from childhood medical experiences. You can reduce this by:
- Preparing your child for procedures
- Advocating for pain management
- Not forcing compliance with distressing treatments
- Choosing providers who prioritize child comfort
- Questioning whether interventions are truly necessary
Disabled children face higher rates of anxiety, depression, and trauma—often due to how they're treated, not their disability itself.
Watch for:
- Signs of anxiety or depression
- Trauma responses (especially from medical or school experiences)
- Bullying effects
- Isolation or loneliness
Support through:
- Validating their experiences
- Finding disability-affirming mental health providers
- Addressing root causes (bullying, inappropriate demands)
- Connection with disabled community
One of the best things you can do for your child is connect them with disabled adults.
Why this matters:
- Role models who share their experience
- Practical wisdom about living with their disability
- Positive disability identity development
- Understanding that disabled adults live full lives
- A break from only knowing non-disabled people
How to connect:
- Disability-specific organizations (preferably led by disabled people)
- Community events
- Online communities (as age-appropriate)
- Mentorship programs
- Hiring disabled adults (babysitters, tutors, attendants)
Parent communities can be supportive but vary in approach.
Seek out:
- Parents who accept their children
- Parents who listen to disabled adults
- Communities that center children's well-being
Be cautious of:
- Parent groups focused on grief and burden
- Communities that ignore or dismiss disabled perspectives
- Spaces that prioritize parent venting over child welfare
- Organizations led by parents rather than disabled people
The broader disability community offers:
- Culture, history, and identity
- Advocacy and rights awareness
- Social connection
- Pride and belonging
Help your child connect with disability community, disability culture, and disability pride.
You cannot pour from an empty cup. Taking care of yourself is not selfish—it makes you a better parent.
What helps:
- Respite care (time away is okay and necessary)
- Your own support systems
- Maintaining your identity beyond caregiving
- Processing your feelings (in appropriate spaces, not at your child's expense)
- Boundaries with demanding systems
Parenting a disabled child in ableist systems is exhausting. The exhaustion comes from fighting systems, not from your child.
Burnout prevention:
- Accept help
- Lower standards where possible
- Reduce unnecessary appointments and interventions
- Find efficient ways to navigate systems
- Build a support team
- Take actual breaks
You may experience difficult feelings about your child's disability. This is normal—and requires appropriate outlets.
Appropriate:
- Therapy with disability-literate therapist
- Trusted friends (who won't repeat to your child)
- Parent support groups (choose carefully)
- Self-reflection
Not appropriate:
- Venting publicly where your child could see/hear
- Sharing to social media in ways that violate your child's privacy
- "Warrior parent" narratives that center your struggle
- Placing emotional burden on your child
A hard truth:
Your child cannot be your therapist. Even unintentionally sharing your grief about their disability harms them. Find other outlets.
Key rights:
- IDEA (special education)
- Section 504
- ADA
Resources:
- Parent Training and Information Centers (PTI) in each state
- Protection and Advocacy agencies
- Family Voices (healthcare navigation)
Key rights:
- Provincial education laws
- Human rights codes
Resources:
- Provincial disability organizations
- Family support services
Key rights:
- Equality Act 2010
- Children and Families Act 2014 (SEND)
Resources:
- IPSEA (education advice)
- Contact (family support)
- Scope
Key rights:
- Disability Discrimination Act 1992
- State education laws
- NDIS (for eligible children)
Resources:
- Early Childhood Early Intervention (ECEI) through NDIS
- State disability organizations
- "Far From the Tree" by Andrew Solomon (nuanced, includes disabled perspectives)
- "Disability Visibility" edited by Alice Wong (disabled adult voices)
- "Loud Hands" (autistic perspectives)
General:
- Autistic Self Advocacy Network (autism)
- National Federation of the Blind (blindness)
- National Association of the Deaf (Deaf community)
- Self Advocates Becoming Empowered (intellectual disability)
For Parents:
- Through the Looking Glass (disability parenting)
- PEAK Parent Center
- Family Voices
- Disability-led spaces on social media
- Parent groups that center disabled people's expertise
What guidance would you add? What resources helped your family? What do disabled adults want parents to know?
Share through our [contribution form] or email [email protected].
Last updated: November 2025
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